Oh my aching back...

Derek finally started "tolerating" me yesterday in time for us to meet friends for dinner at their house. We picked Dillon up from school and made the drive, which is about an hour out of town. As I always do for these occasions, I packed pajamas for the kids so they could be comfy when it gets late. Little did I know now, this would spark a debate later when I changed them.

Around 8 o'clock, Derek looks up from the dinner table and sees our kids playing with our friends' daughter. Everyone is happy and as these things usually begin, THERE IS NO PROBLEM HERE. But Derek looks up, and slams his fist on the table, making the rest of us jump. "You just have to have everything go your way, do you?!" he snaps, not too loudly but the venom is clear nonetheless. "What?" I ask, perplexed as usual, "Didn't I tell you earlier that I don't think they need to go into their sleeping clothes until we leave? I don't want this, Stacey," Everyone's watching but here we are, having this conversation. "Well, I can't have Ella tripping all over her dress trying to play, that wouldn't be safe, and it's late and what's the problem?" "The problem is, that you never listen." I can tell in his tone that he's getting himself worked up over this. What a shock. "Not really," I said, "I think this is a perfect example of one of those things that really isn't a big deal and you should just lighten up and let it go. Everyone is having a good time here." "It IS a big deal, Stacey." Big sigh from me as I reach for the bottle on the table. "More wine?" I say to my girlfriend, rather resignedly. "Oh yes," she says, raising her eyebrows at the stress factor in the air.

For the next hour Derek makes jokes at my expense, laughing that he's going to leave me here to beg on the street, haaa ha ha haaa, some kind of humor.

On the drive home he really lays into me, and somehow the kids sleep through it. Everything is my fault. I'm no good. I'm a selfish, horrible person and I need to change my attitude. On and on. I just closed my eyes and tried to focus on better times ahead.

When we got home, he put Ella in her crib and I got Dillon tucked in. When I turned the knob on our bedroom door, it was locked. Ha. That's rich. He locked me out of our room, with no toothbrush, no clothes, no pillow, nothing. Imagine how he would react if I had done that to him; he would be insane with anger. I didn't say a word. He's not worth the energy and it would only open up a huge screaming episode from him.

I slid off my jeans, found a throw and settled in on the couch for the night. And I'm paying for it now; my back is killing me. This morning when I awoke, the door had been opened. Neither said anything about it. When the kids and I were ready to leave for school, I couldn't find the keys. They're always on the same plate in the kitchen. Had he hidden the keys? Seriously? His wallet was also not on the plate as usual; he had put that in his dresser drawer, as if I'm going to steal a few hundred bucks and take off for my new life, or what -- jeez.

It turns out that Derek, in an extremely rare moment, had misplaced the keys. I said nothing as he searched, thinking in my mind of all the accusations he would hurl at me had I been the one to lose the keys. But even though it was him, he managed to blame me: "You are unbelievable," he hissed, "You are really something, making me so upset and so tired from your bullshit that I can't find the keys. Good job!" he shouted, banging his fist on the bar, "Way to go!"

I could only laugh to myself. There's really nothing to say.

Last night he threatened again to leave on the flight without me, stating that I was staying here (with the kids) but not where we were, we would be out on the street because he would leave me with no money. All of this rage and anger, sparked this time by two little pair of pajamas. That's what's so incredible; this is just another day with this man; he's always mad about something and it's always my fault, and there isn't a day that is different.

Mind you in the course of a day he's also angry with many other people. Yesterday he shouted at a toll booth operator for not letting him turn around without paying the toll, he yelled at numerous drivers, honking and slowing down as he passed in order to scowl at them and flip them off. It's always something. Before Derek, I never knew people like him really existed outside of the movies. But be warned, they do.

Until next time, dear friend...