Not taking the bait

Our holiday continues. Yesterday there was a mix up with the cell phone bill and at first it appeared that I hadn't paid it, but I had. We were in the car and Ella was sleeping when he opened the mistaken bill that had crossed in the mail. Before I could even call them to verify the payment, he lost his mind over it. This unleashed a round of screaming, yelling and insults that woke up Ella and probably half of the Eastern seaboard. He screamed that I was "f---ing useless," "a total moron," "an awful, horrible person," and that he "has no idea how I survived before I met him," because I'm such a "total f--k up." That was all screaming in the car.

Then he said he was going to leave me here, in this place where we were on vacation; that I could just find a job somewhere; I have one week, he said. The threats continued. And I was just trapped in that car, having to take it. Thank God Dillon was in his new school, which seems wonderful.

Nevertheless I got on the phone and confirmed that the bill was an error. During that call, he had a running commentary about how stupid whatever I was saying on the phone was, and at one point I said to the operator, "Sorry, I didn't hear you, my husband is distracting me." And he knocked me in the head.

In any case our bill was indeed in good standing. I guess you won't be surprised that he didn't apologize at all. At this point we were parked in front of Target, and he patted my head like a good doggie. "It's okay," he said, and that was it.

For a while after that incident, he tried to be patient with me, as if anyone needed to because I'm such a bother -- ha, and then at lunch we went to one of our favorite bistros here. It was beautiful, and anyone should have been happy.

But he was in a mood again, and wanted to fight. I was determined not to take the bait, because when I respond, it gives him the fuel to have a real argument and it's always worse. So as we ate he sat there, staring daggers at me, and making comments: "You're really something, you are...you have some nerve...it's all about you, isn't it...what a horrible, awful, person, really...and you're ruining our kids with your stupid hugging and kissing...you just don't get it...uh uh...it's not gonna work this way..."

I just smiled and focused on my lunch and Ella, and talked to her as if he wasn't saying anything. The more I didn't react, the more different kinds of comments he would try: attacking me personally, then as a mother, then my intellect, then my ability to manage life, then my character, and on and on. But I just determined not to take the bait. Not now, not today.

And for a moment, I felt a tiny triumph. He didn't get to me. And if I can just get through this vacation, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Speak soon, dear friend...