What do you think...

I may not be able to see you, but where ever you are, you've been a true friend at times when I've really needed one. Now I'd like to take an unofficial poll. Derek has sent a "proposal" to his attorney. Not in writing, but he's suggesting that he will drop that ridiculous child abduction law suit if I will agree to some form of visitation with the children -- in another country, the country where he's living now. Now don't worry, there is no way on God's green earth that I would let my children out of this country to be with that man, believe me! And actually, I would prefer that he have no influence at all on them. However, my attorney is telling me that because he is the children's father, at the end of this whole thing the judge will almost certainly give him some form of visitation, at the very least, supervised and in our jurisdiction. So he's suggesting that I put together a proposal of my own of conditions I would agree to, in the hopes of avoiding a big, expensive court battle. Well I can tell you now, I don't like it. Although I recognize what he's saying and that in the end Derek may get supervised visits, I can't escape the feeling that this giving him that now is not being true to the very real feelings I have regarding his anger issues and abuse. I think that to agree to him being in our lives at all means that I'm negating all that I've said. I stand by my statement that he's a dangerous and unstable person, who's attempted suicide twice, once with the knife. I also know that he is a con artist, and that he doesn't think for a second that he has an anger problem, and therefore he has no intention of improving himself. He's told me this many times. So to send my children into the presence of this man feels like sending them into the wolf's lair, court supervised or not. On the other hand, if it's absolutely gong to happen regardless, is it perhaps better to have it happen on my terms, with me sending forth a proposal that I can somehow live with, rather than waiting for a judge to do it long after both sides are financially ruined? Additionally, if we come to an agreement now, I can try to negotiate some support from him, after all, if he can see his children, he also must support them. Don't forget he's living in another country so I would never be able to collect court-ordered child support unless he voluntarily gives it, and he would only be motivated to do that if he can see his children. But even this bothers me. I feel like I'm bartering my children somehow. I don't like it. I'm conflicted. What to do... Until next time, dear friends...