It's worth the trouble to get out of trouble

As the New Year begins, a lot of people are making resolutions to lose weight, find a job, spend more time with their kids, finally clean the dust-bunnies from under the bed, or whatever. Some people will keep those promises to themselves, but most probably won't for one reason or another, which is really just another word for excuse. In the midst of all these new promises, there are some who are like I was a year ago. I promised myself that I would get myself and my two young children out of the destructive cycle of verbal abuse. In some ways it's more dangerous than a swift kick in the stomach or a slap on the face because maybe that would be enough to sound the alarm bells. Verbal abuse is a slow killer, that creeps into your soul one episode at a time, until one day you look in the mirror and realize that you've changed. You've lost your will to fight, you've lost your energy and you've lost your sparkle. And for anyone currently going through it, please, please, PLEASE believe that all abusers are the same. They work from the same playbook, rationalizing every single act. Either saying that you made them do it, saying your too sensitive, or just denying it all together. A year ago I was there. And I did something that now as I look back, I can’t believe I had the guts, but I did it. And nothing can take that away. Today, my 2 and 4 year old are not living in fear, not living with screaming, not living with oppression and unbearable control. We laugh, and tickle each other, and make tents in the living room and sometimes we even eat in bed just because we can. I can’t say that leaving is easy, it takes serious guts to plan, and you probably can’t do it alone. You’ll be afraid: afraid of what he might do, afraid that it won’t work and you’ll somehow be “sent” back there, and even afraid of the unknown. BUT DO IT ANYWAY. If you’re married, and especially if you have kids, you might not be completely rid of the abuser, but you’ll be out of his house and out of his grasp, and YOU take charge. Arm yourself with the law, get protection, surround yourself with friends or family, and don’t back down on what you demand for yourself. A year ago I was miserable and my son was on a very dim path. Today we’re happy. It’s not always easy, but we’re happy. And I have my own sense of self back. That’s so important. Be your own best friend and fight for yourself. It’s a lot of trouble, but it’s so worth it. When I started this blog I found friends “out there” who supported me more than I ever expected. And now I want to find friends out there who need support. Whatever you’re going through, I’ve gone through. I can relate. But hey, I did it, and so can you, somehow. So, new friends, wherever you are, I’m wishing for you a New Year’s resolution that you keep for yourself. I’m here. And I’m thinking of you. Until next time, dear friends…